Same night... New topic

I've been very restless lately, looking to make changes. I opt for the temporary ones that make me feel momentarily better - my usual schtick - not that pleasing. I'm waiting for the big ones.

In a year and two months, I will finish my masters. The day after graduation I hope to pack up and head out. This shitty job and rental are making me crazy. The talking and maybe and possibly and wouldn't that be great and we could do this and that are making me scratch my eyes out. I'm ready for definite plans. A definite place. A timeline. Goals. An action plan. I want to feel like I'm making "real progress like real adults". I want to make something of myself before I stop regularly working for 10 plus years. I'm an instant gratification girl - I get that. I know that makes me difficult to live with many times. I suppose if I had a plan, I'd feel better about spinning my wheels for the next year and two months. I guess I could change my attitude and see this for what it is - planning for the future.

Fuck the future. If I died tomorrow, I'd be pretty pissed off at the sorry state of my life. Shitty job, no house of my own, no children, too much debt. The "live as if today was the last day of your life" bullshit is just about as bad. When would the laundry get done - and who wants to look at all the clean dishes put away as they keel over?