Thank God I just have to give birth for now...

Sunday mornings usually find C, Coop, and I hiking through one of our usual haunts. This morning it the canals, a series of ponds and trails next to the Rock River surrounded by scrub forest. There is a lot of shade (good for us) and a lot of swimming (good for Coop).

These walks have become a Sunday ritual I look forward to (especially now - post-morning sickness). I suppose it has become our own Humanist house of worship. I learn the names of native plants and species, join in the killing of Japanese Beetles, and converse on rearing Castlehaven. This morning's topic? Spanking. Extra-curricular activities.

My husband and I were both spanked as children. He is a proponent of spanking. I am not. During a lecture on learning theories in grad school, we were discussing positive and negative reinforcement. Spanking is your classic negative reinforcement example. Upon discussing this, my professor offered up this remark, "The only time you should spank your child is if he or she is in imminent danger of hurting him/herself". I suppose his statement clarified my opinion on the subject. A pop on the butt to stop a child about to run into the street. It makes sense - but at the same time, spanking does nothing to instruct the child on proper behavior. And frankly, I feel there are children out there to whom there would be a much more effective form of punishment. "If all I have to endure for doing X is a swat on the butt, I'll happily get that punishment - and keep on doing X". I feel the punishment should fit the child. So many circles we went in - and I believe our intent and our process was the same. An intervention (his - spanking, mine - to be determined!), a discussion on what was done wrong, a discussion on what is a better choice, etc.

Extra-curricular activities. C and I grew up doing some of the same things. We both took piano lessons into Junior High upon which time we stopped, but instead took up playing an instrument in band. We were both very active in music throughout our schooling and both wish we had kept up with our piano skills (doesn't everyone?). I spent my younger days in gymnastics, swimming, and softball. He was heavy into Tae Kwon Do with a smattering of baseball and swimming. While he detested the last 2, he sees great benefit in swimming. I see it as a life skill necessary to get along. Maybe like being able to drive manual transmission. I think we both have a desire that our child be active in areas that teach them discipline, coordination, committment, etc. The conversation turned interesting when we discussed, "At which point do you let them decide?" C quit track with a month left in track his junior year - stress on his knee and too many A.P. classes. My opinion - no discussion. Health and grades come first. But to just quit because you don't like it? In the middle of a season - or because you just don't like it anymore? That's a hard one. Giving up control will be a hard one for me. Allowing them to dress themselves when all they want to pick is that scrubby sweatshirt instead of the cute little dress - it starts small for me. At which point do you let them take over the reigns? Especially when you see them quitting something that could be so good for them?

In the end, I'm glad I don't give birth to a 5 year old.