Pieces
I have a lot going on right now. Just day to day things are keeping me very busy - and living day to day. That's a switch for me.
I guess I feel a change rumbling inside. One of the things that most infuriates my husband is my ability to sit on things and ponder them. When things bother me, I tend to analyze why they bother me, how I might resolve them, etc. Then I may or may not act on those feelings. I know the things I need to do, but acting upon that knowledge is another story. I'll give myself a little credit and say this is how I handle things with myself. Concerning other people and their problems, give it to me and I'll tell you how to solve it and help you do so.
Because I am an instant gratification girl, I struggle with this. And how can one have an inner struggle with one's own personality characteristics? Beats me! I know that I'll look back on this period (possibly one of a year or so) as an evolution. I need to become comfortable with me. I'm not there. I was talking with my boss the other day - and it was a very casual conversation - but it came around to me, my future, my goals with my company, and my abilities to move up (and if that's even what I want). She pointed out my greatest flaw - the thing that could hold me back. Keep in mind - I am aware of this area in my job performance: I don't have a passion for the customer. Very true! I don't see a BURNING NEED to sell this woman a sweater. It's not going to complete her life and give her ultimate fulfillment. I feel I should also mention, my sales are right where they should be - but this is an area I could really succeed in if I tried. My point - I came away from our conversation fixating on this comment - that I already know and openly acknowledge - instead of feeling proud of her comment, "Sarah, I'm selfish. I'd like to keep you to myself. I wish you'd never leave." So, I have some work to do on myself.
...there's beauty in the breakdown...
Tomorrow I celebrate 5 months of marriage with my husband. Currently, I am listening to the playlist we used at our wedding. "Eileen's Song" by Burlap to Cashmere is currently playing. We saw them in concert when we were "just friends". And he was sweet - he pretended to like it (as much as I did) to engage me. Before this it was "Nothing Even Matters" by Lauryn Hill and D'Angelo... ooohhh... sweet baby-makin' music. It reminds me of cool summer evenings, candlelight, and soft sheets. Oh - and the next one, "Superheroes" by Esthero. One of the sweetest songs ever... I remember buying the album and listening to it in my first apartment. The way it would echo in the large rooms.
As messy as life gets, I'm blessed to share it with him. There isn't much that truly frightens me, but life without him is on the top of my list.
I guess I feel a change rumbling inside. One of the things that most infuriates my husband is my ability to sit on things and ponder them. When things bother me, I tend to analyze why they bother me, how I might resolve them, etc. Then I may or may not act on those feelings. I know the things I need to do, but acting upon that knowledge is another story. I'll give myself a little credit and say this is how I handle things with myself. Concerning other people and their problems, give it to me and I'll tell you how to solve it and help you do so.
Because I am an instant gratification girl, I struggle with this. And how can one have an inner struggle with one's own personality characteristics? Beats me! I know that I'll look back on this period (possibly one of a year or so) as an evolution. I need to become comfortable with me. I'm not there. I was talking with my boss the other day - and it was a very casual conversation - but it came around to me, my future, my goals with my company, and my abilities to move up (and if that's even what I want). She pointed out my greatest flaw - the thing that could hold me back. Keep in mind - I am aware of this area in my job performance: I don't have a passion for the customer. Very true! I don't see a BURNING NEED to sell this woman a sweater. It's not going to complete her life and give her ultimate fulfillment. I feel I should also mention, my sales are right where they should be - but this is an area I could really succeed in if I tried. My point - I came away from our conversation fixating on this comment - that I already know and openly acknowledge - instead of feeling proud of her comment, "Sarah, I'm selfish. I'd like to keep you to myself. I wish you'd never leave." So, I have some work to do on myself.
...there's beauty in the breakdown...
Tomorrow I celebrate 5 months of marriage with my husband. Currently, I am listening to the playlist we used at our wedding. "Eileen's Song" by Burlap to Cashmere is currently playing. We saw them in concert when we were "just friends". And he was sweet - he pretended to like it (as much as I did) to engage me. Before this it was "Nothing Even Matters" by Lauryn Hill and D'Angelo... ooohhh... sweet baby-makin' music. It reminds me of cool summer evenings, candlelight, and soft sheets. Oh - and the next one, "Superheroes" by Esthero. One of the sweetest songs ever... I remember buying the album and listening to it in my first apartment. The way it would echo in the large rooms.
As messy as life gets, I'm blessed to share it with him. There isn't much that truly frightens me, but life without him is on the top of my list.
posted by Sady Jayne | 10:10 PM
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